inspiration #20 : the original shower scene.

by s.m.

I’ve mentioned before that I wrote a short draft of an erotic novel about a fashion photographer and a football player (coincidentally also named Francesca and Paolo) when I was a teenager.  it was pretty awful.  but it had decent enough bones to pick up again after fifteen years and rewrite, so I do have to thank my tenth-grade self for that.  also, it’s nice to be reminded, occasionally, that I’ve learned a few things since then.

so this excerpt is the original shower scene.  the first chapter (or the first few chapters, as it may now turn out) follow pretty much the same narrative: Paolo and Francesca meet at the arena during a photoshoot / football practice scheduling mishap, they go out for a drink, go home together, sleep together, and take a steamy shower the next morning.  I’m ashamed to transcribe the original scene, because it is AWFUL, but it’s been a fascinating exercise to compare what I wrote then with what I’ve written now.  though it’s pained me to do so, I haven’t edited anything below.  welcome back to 1997.

She was so deep in thought that she took no notice of the bathroom door opening.  Redundo quietly opened the shower door, but still, Francesca did not see him as her back was to the door.  He ran his finger down her spine.  She turned around, surprised.  Saying nothing, he pressed up against her body as she leaned against the wall.  For the first time, their lips met as they hands urgently explored each others’ bodies.  Finally, he placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her down until she was kneeling on the tile floor, the water splashing around her.  He reached for her hands, taking them and placing them on his balls as she lifted her head to gently tongue his cock.  He groaned with a combination of agony and ecstasy as she began to devour him with her entire mouth.  Knowing that he was going to come, and not wanting to yet, he placed his hands on her shoulders again and gently pushed her down onto the ceramic floor.  She laid there as he hovered above her, straddling her, and then slowly eased his cock into her.

Neither of them had even thought to turn off the faucet, so they made love under the warm rain of the shower, wet, steamy, and intense.  And there they laid afterwards, panting, their perspiration mixed with the water that had fallen around them.

some notes:

1. no, I obviously had never had sex.

2. it also makes you wonder if I’d ever taken a shower.

3. ah, the melodrama. “devour with her entire mouth”, “a combination of agony and ecstasy”.

4. there was a real soccer player named Redondo (a stone cold fox from Argentina, please see here and here) who inspired the original character’s name.  because I am terrified of slander and libel, I have changed it to Romaldo.